Do you find yourselves having the same argument over and over? Does your spouse seem to shut down and resist your efforts to discuss the problems in your relationship? Are you dealing with infidelity? Are you looking for ways to strengthen your bond? Even if you aren’t having difficulty, I can help you deepen the connection between you and your partner.
I believe all relationships can be healed. As human beings, we are hard wired to pair bond. These bonds can be a source of great safety and healing. When we feel disconnected from the person most important to us, it can feel like the end of the world. I can help you reconnect with your partner and deepen your bond. I will help you improve your communication and move beyond past hurts. I believe it is important for families to stay together whenever possible but when it isn’t possible, I will assist you in the emotional process of separating. I find great satisfaction in helping a couple navigate a difficult period and come out the other side stronger and healthier.
Emotionally Focused Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a structured approach to couples therapy formulated in the 1980’s by Dr. Sue Johnson. It has developed alongside the science on adult attachment and bonding to expand our understanding about what is happening in couple relationships and to guide therapists. In the last fifteen years, Dr. Johnson and her colleagues have further developed and refined the model and completed numerous studies. EFT is also used with families and individuals. A substantial body of research outlining the effectiveness of EFT now exists. Research studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements.
Dr. Sue Johnson explains what EFT is and how it works:
An Example of the Change Process in EFT
In a therapy session, a husband’s numb withdrawal expands into a sense of helplessness, a feeling of being intimidated. He begins to assert his need for respect and, in doing so, becomes more accessible to his wife. He moves from “There is no point in talking to you. I don’t want to fight.” to “I do want to be close. I want you to give me a chance. Stop poking me and let me learn to be there for you.” His wife’s critical anger then expands into fear and sadness. She can now ask for and elicit comfort. She moves from “You just don’t care. You don’t get it.” to “It is so difficult to say – but I need you to hold me – reassure me – can you?”
Dr. Sue Johnson in action:
Excerpts from: https://iceeft.com/what-is-eft/
Research in EFT (Attachment for download)
Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick:
In the 1970’s, Dr. Edward Tronick and colleagues presented a situation in which an infant, after three minutes of “interaction” with a non-responsive expressionless mother, “rapidly sobers and grows wary. He makes repeated attempts to get the interaction into its usual reciprocal pattern. When these attempts fail, the infant withdraws [and] orients his face and body away from his mother with a withdrawn, hopeless facial expression.” The video speaks directly to the importance of attunement and attachment and for some can even be difficult to watch.
